


Under Her Thumb

by whoisntafool



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Domestic, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-04-28 08:15:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5085115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoisntafool/pseuds/whoisntafool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Carmilla is sure she's digging her own grave by letting Laura charm her into pretending to be love birds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Do Solemnly Swear

“Mother, please, can we not do this, we have company” Carmilla said with a twinge of annoyance as she took a stab at the peas rolling around on her plate. 

Carmilla hated peas. She didn’t like having to chase down her food with a fork. It was like they were deliberately trying to escape their long awaited doom of becoming green mush mixed with hydrochloric acid. 

She felt Laura’s hand give her thigh a reassuring squeeze.

Carmilla was in her mid-twenties, and yet her mother always had a way to make her feel like a child.

“Oh Carmilla, Laura and David are hardly strangers, they’re practically family!” 

That was true, but it didn’t make this conversation any less awkward for Carmilla. 

It was Thanksgiving weekend, and the father daughter duo was over at the Karnstein mansion for the big dinner. 

“Dear, you’ve got to stop your nonsense with jumping from one girl to the next every other week. It’s hard enough as it is with you being….” Lilita paused, refusing to say the next word.

Carmilla knew it was hard for her mother to say it, which was the exact reason why Carmilla prodded her mother to go on. She liked making her mother feel uncomfortable.

“Being what, Mother?” Carmilla asked as she feigned innocence. 

“Oh you know.”

Carmilla smirked. “I don’t, but why don’t you enlighten us all?”

Her mother sighed before speaking.

“….gay.” Lilita winced at the sound of the word coming out from her own mouth.

If it was possible, Carmilla would’ve given herself a pat on the back for a job well done at making her mother squirm.

“You’ve got a reputation to withhold and it’s about time you put a halt to your hormonal rampages and settle down,” Lilita continued. 

Carmilla scoffed. She could hear her mother go on about how she has responsibilities as the daughter of a corporate queen. It was the same spiel as always and Carmilla suddenly found the mound of peas on her plate far more entertaining.

“And that’s why I’m in the midst of arranging a marriage for you with someone suitable. I’ve narrowed it down to the daughter of one of our business alliances, and I’ve prepared a rather cozy apartment for the two of you to move in together after you get a chance to meet her. I’m sure you’re ever so grateful that I’m not making you marry a man.”

That got Carmilla’s attention.

“What did you just say?” asked Carmilla as she looked up from her plate. 

“God Carmilla, were you not listening to a word I was saying? I said I’ve found a potential candidate as your future spouse. She seems like a wonderful girl, and –“

“No” Carmilla said, quietly, but firmly.

“You haven’t even met her yet! At least give her a chance, you get together with tons of girls, this should be –“

“I said no, Mother.” 

“Dave, back me up here,” said Lilita as she shot a glance towards Laura’s father sitting adjacent to her. 

Before Laura’s father could get a word in, Carmilla spoke up again.  
“Mother, stop it. There’s nothing that you can say or do to make me agree to this.” 

Carmilla knew that wasn’t true. Her mother was the master of manipulation. If she wanted something done, she’d make it happen one way or another. 

“Why are you being so stubborn? It’s just one meeting for crying out loud and it’s for your own good!” Lilita hissed. Hissed. Not yelled, because women of status never raised their voices unless it was necessary, as her mother would say.

“Because!”

“Because what?” Lilita immediately replied.

Carmilla wish she had thought this through, but her mouth was working ten times faster than her brain was as she blurted, “Because I’m seeing someone!”

Her mother was more amused than shocked, with her left eyebrow raised.

“Oh? Who’s this special lady? Another one of those ‘coffee buddies’? And you think you can get out of this marriage arrangement because you’re seeing someone that you’ll fling aside in a week? The whole point of this is so that you’ll settle down, Carmilla. ”

Carmilla blanked. She wasn’t seeing anyone seriously. She wasn’t even seeing any of her coffee buddies.

She could feel Laura threading her fingers through her own and turned to give Laura a puzzled look.

“She’s seeing me,” Laura announced definitively as she brought their intertwined hands above the table.

__________________________________________________

 

If anything, Carmilla was just as shocked as Laura’s father. He was practically choking on the tiny, but deadly peas. Her mother on the other hand, was skeptical. 

Typical businesswoman.

Laura’s father finally spoke up, with a certain glow in his face. In times like these, the resemblance between the father and daughter was uncanny.

“Is this true, you two?” he asked, eyes full of anticipation and excitement.

Carmilla felt like she was having an out of the body experience, and by the time she pulled herself together, Laura had already taken the initiative to answer.

The second Laura confirmed their relationship, her dad jumped up from his seat and leaned over the table to give Laura and Carmilla a warm embrace. Carmilla was still in a state of confusion and she returned the hug.

In the periphery of Carmilla’s vision, she could see a smile plastered onto her mother’s face, but her piercing gaze told a different story. She knew her mother wasn’t about to fall for the act, not without somehow confirming it in her own way. She could read her mother’s face like a book by now, and she knew her mother was up to something. She just didn’t know what.

“Well about time! I was about to lose hope over here watching you guys!” said Laura’s father with a sigh of relief. 

His tone changed within the next second as he turned to look at Carmilla, with the sternest face he could pull off while trying to contain his excitement.

“Now Carmilla, even though I’ve always thought of you as family, it doesn’t mean I won’t go hard on you if you ever hurt Laura.”

“Dad,” Laura whined. If there was one thing Carmilla’s mother and Laura’s father had in common, it was that they both had a knack for making their twenty-something year olds feel like children.

“I wouldn’t dare, sir,” Carmilla replied with sincerity.

“Well, well , well,” said Carmilla’s mother, as she put down her cutlery to dab her mouth with a napkin. 

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised, but congratulations to the both of you. Luckily for you, although I have put out the news of your engagement Carmilla, I’ll be willing to make a few phone calls to change the name of your fiancée –“

Her mother smirked; her eyes were glinting with mischief.

“And as I’ve mentioned earlier, you’ll be moving in together at the new apartment. I mean, I don’t see a reason why an engaged couple wouldn’t be living together anyways.”

Carmilla knew her mother was challenging her; to see how much Carmilla could take before the little show would crumble. Unfortunately, it was working because Laura was the last person she’d wish to put through this shenanigan, and as Carmilla opened her mouth to speak, Laura interrupted.

“That’s no problem, ma’am,” answered Laura, with the same glint of mischief as Lilita had a moment ago. 

If there was one thing that Carmilla admired about Laura, it was that she never backed down from a challenge, even from the likes of Carmilla’s mother. Carmilla’s almost positive that if anyone were to put her mother in her place, it would be Laura. And it has happened a handful of times before, and if Carmilla didn’t know any better, she’d say that that’s what her mother liked about Laura too. 

 

________________________________________________

 

“You’re welcome!” Laura said as she jumped onto Carmilla’s bed.

Carmilla’s response to that was pacing back and forth in her room, with her forehead all scrunched up.

They retreated back to Carmilla’s bedroom after dinner. Carmilla would’ve never pegged herself to be someone who lived at home at the age of twenty-six, but since her mother was rarely ever home, it didn’t really make much of a difference whether she moved out or not. 

“Laura, you know my mother is as sharp as a needle, she’s going to see through us within a day,” Carmilla said as she looked up at the girl who’s clearly nowhere in the same state of mind as Carmilla as she bounced up and down on the bed.

“Then we’ll just have to be extra believable!” exclaimed Laura as she continued to test out the springs of Carmilla’s bed. 

“And how do you intend on eventually getting out of this mess? It’s not like we can pretend forever,” questioned Carmilla, trying the best she could to get Laura to come to her senses that are presently nonexistent. 

“We’ll figure something out. In the meantime, just be grateful that I’ve finally gotten your mother off your back for awhile,” Laura calmly stated, like this wasn’t about to be a life-changing event, or a fake one, at least. 

“Laura, you don’t understand. This is going to impede on your personal life, and you know there are paps who will lurk around, given my mother’s status, right? Knowing my mother, she tipped off the media about the engagement so that they can essentially be her eyes and ears on us. And it’s not like we can just coop up at home –“

“Oh my God it’s going to be so fun! Like we’re undercover or like something whenever we go out!” Laura said ecstatically, as she took a seat at the end of the bed. She could see that Carmilla was still on the fence about it all, so she decided to provide some relief to the worrywart.

“Carmilla, I really don’t mind. And psh what love life, you know I’m practically married to my thesis paper. Plus come on, it’ll be kind of fun! We get to be roomies!”

Carmilla finally stopped pacing across the floor and looked at Laura with a sigh of defeat. 

Defeat as in, Carmilla knew this was a battle well lost, because once Laura had her mind made up, nothing could deter her. 

And also defeat as in, Carmilla should’ve known better than to give in to Laura, seeing as she’s spent a good number of years distancing herself from the girl due to her big fat crush on Laura back when they were in university together. Going through with this plan would take her ten steps back.

Was Carmilla insecure around girls? 

Never. She was an impervious force of confidence.

Unless the girl was Laura. 

Carmilla found ways to cope with her unrequited love by going out with girl after girl, but ironically she found herself in this whole engagement fiasco due to her extravagant love life.

If Carmilla felt like she didn’t deserve Laura back then, then she certainly didn’t deserve Laura now, not after building a reputation of being somewhat of the lady killer of the town. 

“Laura, I don’t want you to get hurt.” That was Carmilla’s last effort to stop this impending doom of a plan. 

“Oh Carm, lighten up! I’ll be fine, I promise! Now let’s get you packing!” said Laura as she stood up from the bed and made her way to the dresser, pulling the unwilling Carmilla along with her as Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“You do realize this means we have to be practically glued at the hip for at least a couple months right? You think you can handle all this sass?” Carmilla joked as she watched Laura fling her duffel bag onto her bed.

“Oh please, I’ve handled you for the past fifteen or so years. The real question here is if you can handle my hotness,” Laura said with a sneer before turning towards Carmilla and striking her best model pose.

Carmilla tried hard to suppress her laughter but failed as she giggled at the silly pose. Laura always had a way to turn her frown upside down. 

She watched as Laura began shoving some of Carmilla’s clothes and necessities into the duffel bag while chattering about a movie that she wanted to watch. 

Carmilla smiled.

She could tell Laura was beyond excited; Laura had always enunciated her words clearly, but even more so when she was high on adrenaline, and the way her hands were sporadically waving through the air as she talked was a dead giveaway. If there were a class called “Laura 101”, Carmilla would ace it. Heck, Carmilla could be the professor.

Carmilla would be lying if she said she wasn’t a tad bit nervous about being roommates with Laura. Sure, they’ve been friends since forever and have had sleepovers as kids, but they’ve done a lot of growing up since then, and to be frank, they’ve been seeing each other less and less as adult life started to kick in.

Deep down, Carmilla was scared. Scared that by the end of this all, she would destroy the only relationship that mattered to her the most.

“Laura?” Carmilla called out gently.

Laura stopped what she was doing and turned to face Carmilla.

“Yeah?” 

“Promise me, the second you feel uncomfortable about doing this, that you’ll tell me and we’ll put a stop to it all.” 

“And by promise, I mean pinky promise, because God knows how official you like your promises to be,” Carmilla added as she rolled her eyes and held out her pinky. 

Laura gently slapped Carmilla’s shoulder for making fun of her and shot her a glare before nodding and giving Carmilla a reassuring smile as she curled her pinky around Carmilla’s. 

“I do solemnly swear that I, Laura Hollis, promise thee, Carmilla Karnstein, on the condition that we seal this deal with a thumb kiss,” Laura announced with a stern, steady voice as she pressed the pads of their thumbs together for a brief moment before breaking down into a fit of laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh this probably my crack fic where I can get high on some hollstein fluff. I'm not saying there won't be some slow burns in the future but yeah, y'know the deal right? Can't have the good stuff without a bit of pain ;)) But do know that I intend for this to be more on the fluffy side. Let me know what you think! Please excuse any errors you find, I've reread this so many times I'm almost finding it revolting.
> 
> I want to thank canyousmellchips aka Chips aka my amazingly talented beta for all the help she's given me. You're the best <33
> 
> Come find me at conditionstolive.tumblr.com and say hello!


	2. Two Peas In a Pod

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Carmilla is really just a grumpy puppy.

“So we’re really doing this huh?” Carmilla said anxiously, as the two of them stood in front of the door to their new apartment.

They swung by Laura’s place to stuff a couple of outfits, toiletries, and bedding into two duffel bags before heading off to their new place.

Laura chuckled and shook her head at Carmilla’s question. Laura has been known for her notorious amount of overthinking and doubt, but she begged to differ. Under this current situation, at least. 

“For the millionth time tonight Carm, yes! Now stop being a slowpoke and stick that key in so I don’t end up collapsing on the floor with all the stuff I’m carrying.”

Carmilla knew she’d been sort of anal about the whole thing and laughed sheepishly in apology as she turned the keys and pushed open the front door. 

The apartment was completely void of furnishings except for the giant fuzzy living room rug and a white three-seater couch.

“I think Mother should really reconsider the phrase ‘prepared a cozy apartment’,” Carmilla said sarcastically as she dropped her things onto the floor of the living room and ventured off to the open kitchen, looking through the cupboards and the fridge.

Nothing but empty space.

“Don’t be a grouch Carmilla, this is an amazing apartment, it just needs to be embellished a little! As long as we have a bed to sleep on and a working phone to order in, we’ll be fine for the next couple of days.” 

Carmilla scoffed.

“Needs to be embellished a little is an understatement, short stack.” 

“Hey! In this household there are to be no attacks made on my height! Or lack thereof!” Laura said and she playfully poked Carmilla with her elbow as she was still carrying her load of luggage. 

“Now come on! I need to put these down in the bedroom before the weight of it all permanently stunts my growth!” Laura huffed as she made her way towards the bedroom through the hallway.

“Laura, you’re about to turn twenty-six and I may not be a scientist but I’m pretty sure you’ve done all the growing you could possibly do. Hate to break it to you, but I think this is as tall as you’ll ever be,” Carmilla teased, walking a few steps behind Laura.

“Carmilla Karnstein, the second I put my stuff down, you better be running because –“

“Because…?” Carmilla asked with her left eyebrow raised, curious as to what Laura was going to do to her as revenge for crushing her dreams of growing taller. She finally caught up to where Laura was standing right before she heard Laura’s little outbreak.

“No no no no no!” Laura yelled in disbelief. 

There was nothing in the bedroom. 

To be honest, this didn’t come as a shock to Carmilla. She was expecting nothing less from her mother.

Laura on the other hand, had much higher expectations of Lilita. 

She let her things drop onto the floor before she turned to face Carmilla.

“How are we going to sleep tonight?” Laura groaned in frustration as she threw her hands up in the air.

Before Carmilla could answer, her phone started ringing and she picked up. It was her mother.

“Your timing is impeccable Mother, I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of having a bed, no?” 

Carmilla always looked extremely impassive whenever she bantered with her mother. She heard Laura chuckling and shot her a puzzled look. 

After a few minutes with a couple of eyes rolls from Carmilla, the phone call ended.

“Well?” Laura asked expectantly, as if somehow she had hoped that a bed would magically appear in front of their eyes. 

“She apologizes for the lack of amenities and that whatever’s missing should be shipped in some time next week, she wasn’t expecting me to move into the apartment so soon since she didn’t know about –“ Carmilla paused before air-quoting the next word, “us”.

“I told her to cancel the orders because I figured you’d enjoy picking out your own furnishings, since we’re going to be stuck in this place for the time being. Why not make it our own, right?”

Laura’s eyes widened with excitement as she pumped her fists in the air and did a little happy dance on the spot. 

“Yes! You know me too well, Karnstein!” 

“Unfortunately so,” Carmilla said with a wink. 

“Now, for tonight, I do believe there is a three-seater out in the living room,” Carmilla continued as she started walking back out into the hallway with Laura following.

“Don’t be a grouch Carmilla-”

“It just needs a little embellishment, Carmilla,” Carmilla said in a squeaky little voice, an octave higher than usual. She picked up her pace into a slow jog the second she heard Laura’s quickening foot steps from behind.

“Why you little-“ 

Laura laughed as she gave Carmilla a chase to the living room, both slipping and sliding in their socks on the hardwood floor.

The giggles simmered down as they stepped onto the rug, looking at the couch in front of them.

It was clear that the couch wouldn’t fit the both of them unless they practically spooned each other, and Carmilla wasn’t comfortable with the thought of being in such close proximity to Laura. 

It’s not that she didn’t like the idea; rather it was the complete opposite. It was because of that one time when Carmilla had recently realized she had feelings for her long time friend, and they ended up sharing a bed. Her heart was racing like she had just run a marathon, and her mind was stuck in a turmoil with thoughts about Laura and doubts about herself. She woke up with her arms around Laura, and it was that exact moment she realized what a dangerous line she was crossing, for both herself and Laura.

Hence why she was stubbornly opposed to the whole “pretend to be a couple” thing. She didn’t know if she could divide a clear line between the illusion of her being in love with Laura and reality of her having actual feelings for Laura. 

Carmilla spoke up first.

“So….since I’m older and taller, I think I’d be the best candidate to make use of the length and the back support the couch provides, don’t you think?” 

While that statement was true, Laura rolled her eyes. 

“That’s not fair! You’re only an inch taller and a couple months older than I am!” Laura complained and pouted at Carmilla.

Laura’s pout has never failed her in her almost twenty-six years of living, and that streak was not about to end now.

“I’m kidding munchkin, as if I’d let you sleep on the floor.”

“Hey what did I say about mocking my height under this roof?” Laura said as she put her hands on her waist, annoyed at the second stab at her height in one night.

Carmilla chuckled before continuing and blatantly ignoring Laura’s certain rule in this house.

“I’ll take the floor tonight, but we’re going out tomorrow to get a bed. And some other basic amenities that this ‘cozy apartment’ is obviously lacking.” Carmilla said as she started to build some sort of a makeshift bed on top of the rug with the quilt Laura brought from her place.

The things she’d do for a pretty face.

“Jesus Carmilla, don’t be silly, it might be a tight fit but we can both definitely share the couch for a night. We’ll just take opposite ends! Plus if you take the quilt, am I suppose to bury myself under a bunch of our sweaters?” 

Carmilla felt foolish she hadn’t thought of sleeping on opposite ends; her mind just automatically jumped onto the image of her sleeping side by side with Laura.

She didn’t have a chance to answer before Laura started migrating Carmilla’s little so-called bed from the floor to the couch.

 

_____________________________________________________

 

It took a good half an hour, but they finally tucked themselves in under Laura’s giant quilt with the lights turned off.

They decided to leave the unpacking for another day since they both needed a trip back to their respective homes for some actual well thought out packing. Neither of them had bothered to bring proper sleepwear, but they did manage to find two pairs of shorts and oversized t-shirts. They were from Laura’s old geeky collection of Disney character t-shirts and were hideous, but at least the one Carmilla was wearing was of Mulan and she was kind of, sort of, Carmilla’s favourite character. 

She could feel Laura’s legs wriggling back and forth.

“Carm, where the hell are your legs?” Laura asked, laughing. “I know we’re both short but come on, we’re not that short.”

“My toes are cold,” Carmilla mumbled. That was a lie.

Carmilla was curled up into a ball in order to give Laura an ample amount of space and for self-protection. They’ve shared beds before when they were younger, and although Laura was a snuggler at times, she was also definitely an aggressive sleeper who flailed her limbs around and moved a lot. There were times when Carmilla had either found Laura’s head laying on her stomach or by her feet.

Carmilla closed her eyes, opening them again as she felt more stirring from Laura’s end of the couch before she felt her own legs being pulled and straightened. 

“Hey! –“

Carmilla’s little protest was cut short when she felt little ice-cold toes poking at her warm thighs.

“Oh my God, Laura Hollis,” Carmilla growled.

There was a sigh of great contentment from Laura as she slipped both her feet in behind Carmilla’s toasty thighs.

“Carm, don’t you dare lie to me about having cold toes again, you can’t keep all the warmth to yourself,” Laura warned, sinking deeper into the couch with a yawn.

“I wasn’t lying! I –“

Carmilla was embarrassed by the fact that she was caught lying and was about to defend herself with some ridiculous excuse before she heard a light snore coming from Laura’s end.

It was dark, but the room was faintly illuminated by the moon outside. She lifted her head slightly to look and sure enough, Laura was knocked out with her mouth hanging slightly open.

Carmilla shook her head and smiled as she laid her head back down on her makeshift pillow made from the sweater Laura was wearing earlier.

“Goodnight, Hollis.” 

 

_____________________________________________________

 

Carmilla woke up while keeping her eyes closed, to being constantly poked by someone calling out her name. She thought that if kept her eyes shut for a few more seconds, the poking would eventually stop but boy was this poker persistent. 

“Carmilla, I know you’re awake, you’re doing that scrunching thing again,” Laura said as she pushed a finger onto the wrinkles formed between Carmilla’s eyebrows.

Carmilla had an unconscious habit of furrowing her brows when she was mildly annoyed, and this was one of those moments

“To what do I owe the pleasure of being poked at this morning?” Carmilla grumbled as she managed to crack one eye open to look at the perpetrator. 

“Get up lazy bum! We’re going out today remember? For the bed?” Laura hopped up from kneeling on the ground next to the couch, making her way back into the kitchen.

“I know it’s been a while since we last had a sleepover, but nothing’s changed you know. I’m not going to leave this couch anytime before 10 o’clock,” Carmilla said as she pulled the quilt over her head.

She heard some shuffling around and the clicks from something unlocking before the door slammed shut. 

“Crap,” Carmilla whispered.

She flung the quilt aside and rolled off the couch, making a dash towards the bathroom. Within minutes, Carmilla was dressed and was kneeling down as she laced up her black combat boots when the front door flung opened and consequently hit Carmilla on the head. That was going to leave a mark.

Carmilla cursed under her breath. This was not her morning.

“Oh my God oh my God Carm I’m so sorry! I thought you’d still be on the couch sleeping, are you okay? Did I give you a concussion? Say something!” Laura rambled as she watched Carmilla rub the slowly but surely swelling bump that was forming at the top of her head. 

“I’m peachy, sunshine, just peachy,” Carmilla retorted. Laura looked distraught, like she had accidentally kicked a puppy and the puppy was now snarling at her.

“I don’t like to dress up for Halloween, but I guess I’ll be going as an unicorn this year,” Carmilla joked, cracking a smile to sooth Laura’s concerns. It seemed to do the trick.

“Well, I got this for you initially to wake you up, but since I hit you on the head, take it as a token of my apology?” Laura handed Carmilla the cup of coffee she went down to get just now as she threw in one of her trademark smiles.

“Deal,” Carmilla said as she slowly took a sip of the freshly brewed coffee. She closed her eyes for a mere second to enjoy the hot liquid warming up and awakening every inch of her body before she felt a gaze on her. 

Carmilla opened her eyes again and was met with a pair of very amused eyes and a smirk from Laura. 

Carmilla cocked her right eyebrow up. 

“What?” 

“It’s 9:43 AM, and you’re all dressed to leave. I was out for literally five minutes to get us coffee.”

“And?”

“And you said you wouldn’t be leaving the couch for awhile.”

Carmilla knew what Laura was trying to say but she wasn’t about to admit that she thought Laura had left her behind. 

She just hoped her cheeks weren’t turning as red as she thought they should be turning, and she hoped Laura wouldn’t figure out the reason why Carmilla was ready to go at the door within minutes.

“So?”

“So….somebody thought that I had left them behind!” Laura said and poked Carmilla on her stomach with her one free hand.

“That’s, that’s not true!” Carmilla stuttered in a panic.

“Oh? Then what happened to ‘I’m not going to leave this couch anytime before 10 o’clock’?” Laura teased, mimicking Carmilla’s husky morning voice that turned out sounding like a voice of a prepubescent boy. 

“Shut up, and that’s not even remotely how I sound.”

“Aww Carmilla, don’t be embarrassed, I’ll never leave you behind!” Laura continued to tease and laugh when she felt Carmilla yanking her wrist, pulling her along through the front door.

“Hey! I almost spilled my coffee, where are we –“ Laura yelped as she tried to catch her breath from all the laughing.

“To do some shopping remember? And we are to never speak of this moment again, you hear?” 

“Fine.” Laura answered, as she giggled and whispered to herself, “Someone’s just a scared grumpy puppy,” skipping her way past Carmilla, turning her head back to stick her tongue out at Carmilla before pressing on the elevator button.

Carmilla would’ve face-palmed herself, but Carmilla Karnstein was too cool for that sort of stuff. Instead, she resorted to mumbling to herself, wondering how in the world she had made a fool of herself when the day had barely even started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Carmilla whipped or what? Hahaha :P
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, I initially didn't plan for this scene to take up the entire chapter but it ended up that way so....(as you can tell there has been a lack of well processed planning, my apologies).
> 
> Special thanks to my beta, canyousmellchips, for suggestions and advice. You complete me matey.
> 
> As for my plans on when to update, ideally I'd like for a chapter to go up once every week/two weeks. IDEALLY. no pinky promises and thumb kisses (harhar)
> 
> And as always, let me know what you think and come say hi or poke me on tumblr (conditionstolive.tumblr.com)!


	3. Why Buy a Mattress Anywhere Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Furniture shopping, the perfect way to tear down perfectly healthy relationships.

“Put your arm around my waist,” Laura whispered, as her breath slowly evaporated into the chilly air. They were walking towards the giant blue furniture store that also conveniently served amazing meatballs and mashed potatoes with gravy. 

“What?” Carmilla said, blinking in surprise at Laura’s request. 

“Paps at the nine and two o’clock positions,” Laura continued to whisper with a giggle following afterwards. She was having too much fun pretending to be on some undercover mission.

Sure enough, as Carmilla subtly skimmed her surroundings, she could see two figures dressed in dark clothing with cameras pointed in their direction. There were probably a couple more lurking around, but compared to the amount of interest her mother usually garners, this was honestly considered merciful. It was the first day of them being out as a “couple”, after all. 

Carmilla’s phone had been blowing up with emails and phone calls all morning, and she suspected that the media had written some stupid article about her engagement, as per the request of and mentioned by her mother during the dinner. 

She wasn’t even sure why the media would be interested in her at all, since Lilita was really the more interesting figure to follow. Her mother was ruthless in the corporate world, just as she was with her love life with the endless line of suitors. She was sort of mysterious and Carmilla couldn’t blame the public wanting to know the latest scoop.

Carmilla pulled her hand out from the pocket of her jeans and stiffly reached across Laura’s back and placed her hand lightly on Laura’s waist.

She had a habit of stuffing her hands into her pockets, whether it be the pockets of her jacket or her jeans, as countermeasure whenever she walked along with Laura. There had been a handful of times when they had been walking side by side, and their hands would accidently brush against each other. Laura never really cared to notice, but for Carmilla, it was a jolt of lightning.

“Carm, for someone who has pretty much wooed half the girls in town, you’re not very good at this,” Laura said as she laughed, “it’s almost like you’re scared you’ll break me or something.”

Laura poked Carmilla’s tense shoulder with her index finger.

“Relax, Carm, it’s just me!” 

It was precisely because it was Laura why Carmilla was sucking at this.

Carmilla rolled her eyes. The lady-killer was back in full swing.

“I’ll show you how it’s done,” Carmilla said smugly as she pressed her hand into Laura’s waist and pushed Laura in towards her, closing the gap between them.

A part of Carmilla felt incredibly guilty, like she had ultimately agreed to this ridiculous plan because she unconsciously, or consciously, wanted a chance to be with Laura even if it was all pretend. She felt like she was taking advantage of Laura somehow. 

But a larger part of Carmilla loved the feeling of Laura’s body pressing into her side; Laura was the perfect height and she fit so snuggly against her. 

Unbeknownst to Carmilla, her enjoyment of having Laura close to her had manifested into a silly little smile on her face.

“You know, you’re a lot better at this than I thought you were because if I didn’t know any better, you actually look like you’re enjoying this,” Laura teased.

“Oh hush, you.”

 

____________________________________________________

 

“Can we get some meatballs?” Laura asked, practically drooling as she pointed to the giant poster of the mouth-watering meatballs hanging on the wall of the furniture store.

“How about we get what we actually came here for, “ Carmilla said as she dragged Laura away, who was unwilling to budge.

“But Carm! Meatballs! With a side of mashed potatoes and gravy!” Laura pleaded, throwing her puppy eyes at Carmilla.

Before Carmilla could reply, her stomach gave a low, but very audible growl.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Laura said with a cheeky smile.

“Fine, but only after we pick out the stuff we need.”

Carmilla’s philosophy for shopping in general has always been more of a ‘get in, get out’ type of mentality. Why spend so much time on inanimate objects? As long as they fulfilled their functionality, the only choice left was the colour. And for Carmilla, that usually meant either black or white, and if she was feeling slightly more adventurous, she’d go with a shade of grey. 

Laura on the other hand, enjoyed the process of testing and trying everything. And while Carmilla only had to make a choice between three colours, Laura was choosing from every possible colour under the sun. 

Carmilla thought she’d make it out of the furniture store within the hour, which she probably would’ve if she had come alone, but with Laura, it was clear to her that that just wasn’t going to happen after observing Laura for a few minutes.

Laura was a blur to Carmilla. In fact, the entire process felt like a giant blur to her. One minute, Laura would be testing out the beanbag chair, and the next she’d be rocking back and forth on a rocking chair, neither of which they came here for.

Carmilla rubbed her temples with her two fingers and sighed. It was going to be a long day.

It was difficult to keep track of where Laura was amongst a sea of people, and the fact that the both of them were on the shorter end made it ten times harder.

When Carmilla finally spotted Laura, she near the row of dressers, pulling each and every drawer out from each dresser. 

“You know they work the same right? The top drawer, the bottom drawer, and all the ones in between will slide in and out exactly the same way, smarty-pants,” Carmilla snapped, annoyed at how much time this was taking.

“Well it doesn’t hurt to check, I mean, what if the designer decided to do something funky with the bottom drawer, am I right?” Laura said without looking at Carmilla, as she was preoccupied in searching for the next best dresser. So preoccupied that she didn’t catch the tone in Carmilla’s voice. 

Carmilla scoffed.

“Sure, whatever. I’m going to go check out the bookcases, I’ll meet you back here in half an hour, and if by then you haven’t picked out a dresser, we’ll just take the one in the corner in black.”

“But you haven’t even looked, how can you –“

“Because I don’t care, Sundance.”

 

____________________________________________________

 

Furniture stores were made to destroy relationships.

Carmilla wanted a simple, modern looking apartment.

Laura wanted a colourful, cozy looking apartment. 

From the dresser to the dining table, from the lamps to the salt and peppershakers, they could not agree on a style and colour. And in the end, Carmilla would give in. She gave in to everything except for the bookcase.

It was later in the afternoon already, and the two of them had seemingly forgot about the meatballs. The last thing they needed to pick out was a bed before they could leave the place for good, but for the past half an hour, they could not settle on a bookcase. 

“Laura, I let you pick out everything else. And you’re not even the one using the bookcase!”

“Well that’s exactly why we can’t go with the black, contemporary one that you picked! It’ll clash with the theme that I have going on! I want our home to be perfect!”

At the sound of Laura’s voice calling the apartment their home, Carmilla’s anger deflated. Sometimes Laura could be a bit of a pain in the ass, but she was a bit of a pain in the ass for all the right reasons, such as wanting to make their home perfect. 

Their home.

A place that they would collectively share and call home.

Carmilla sighed and threw up her hands in the air.

“Fine, let’s go with the style that you picked, but I still want it in black. And in return, I want total and complete authority in choosing the bed. Do we have a deal?” Carmilla asked.

Laura squealed and tackled Carmilla with a hug, letting go and flashing Carmilla a sly smile before skipping away to put an order down for the bookcase.

Carmilla recognized that smile. It would be a shame if she didn’t after all these years of being fooled by Laura into thinking she finally had her way when Laura had no such intentions.

“Oh no, you’re not running off before you officially promise that you’ll let me choose the bed after this,” Carmilla said as she held out her pinky. 

Laura stopped in her tracks and turned around to face Carmilla, blushing because she was embarrassed for getting caught, and pouting because her plan hadn’t gone through.

“But how did you know?” Laura asked as she reluctantly wrapped her pinky around Carmilla’s.

“Shortcake, this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to pull one on me like this,” Carmilla chuckled, pressing the pad of her thumb against Laura’s, it being the last but most crucial part of the ritual. At least for Laura anyways, Carmilla could care less about this stupid little ceremony. She was just really desperate to have at least one item in their home to be hand picked completely on her own.

As it turned out, picking out the actual bed wasn’t much of a hassle. Carmilla had expected Laura to try and sway her into picking something that was a little less sleek and a little less dark in terms of colour, but Laura surprisingly had agreed to what Carmilla had picked out.

It was the mattress that stunted their progress.

Carmilla fancied a softer mattress, one that would envelope her in a warm embrace after a long day. Laura wanted a firmer mattress, one that allowed her to jump on like a trampoline. Plus, firmer mattresses provided more health benefits. Carmilla was sure Laura wanted a firmer bed for the former reason though.

It took awhile before Carmilla realized she had a compelling argument that could end the debate once and for all. And as difficult Laura has been this entire day, she knew that Laura would ultimately let her win this one because she had a legitimate reason.

She looked at Laura before glancing away as she spoke.

“Laura, you know I’m not like you. You’re able to fall asleep just about anywhere, a proven fact from that little incident you had on the toilet, but I can’t.”

Laura’s face immediately softened and was replaced with a look of guilt.

“I should’ve rememberd Carm, I’m sorry –“

“No harm done, Sunshine.”

Laura flashed her an apologetic smile.

“Let’s go get that super soft, super comfy mattress!” 

 

________________________________________________________

 

The only downside was that they’d have to wait for a few days for the mattress and everything else to be delivered. The two would have to make do with the three-seater at home. 

Carmilla’s forehead was scrunching up again, paired with a giant frown and Laura knew she wasn’t all too pleased with the arrangement.

“Oh come on, it won’t be so bad! We could take this opportunity to make or fort or something in the living room and pretend we’re going camping!” Laura said as Carmilla confirmed the order with the employee.

Carmilla hated going camping. In fact, she’s never gone camping. But she hated it anyways, and this idea of a fort wasn’t any more appealing.

Laura was jumping up and down in excitement; it was obvious that her little body couldn’t contain the excitement.

And that was another thing Carmilla had admired Laura for. The way Laura found joy in the simplest of things, and sometimes Carmilla wished she could be the same.

Carmilla had been tense for a majority of their time spent at the store, and for the first time in hours, she found a grin creeping up on her lips.

“You two make such a sweet couple, I’ll throw in free delivery on all your items since –“

“Oh we’re not –“

Carmilla had replied out of habit; this wasn’t the first time a stranger had mistaken them for a couple. 

She felt Laura elbowing her in the side before she felt Laura swiftly grabbing her hand, locking their fingers together.

“That’s so kind of you! And thank you for all the help today!” Laura said with a smile before giving Carmilla a look. 

“Uh yeah, thanks,” Carmilla muttered. 

They bid farewells to the stranger and as Carmilla thought they were heading for the exit, Laura made a sharp turn and pulled Carmilla along.

“Where are we going?” Carmilla asked, confused as to why they were spending another second time in this dreadful place.

“Did you think I’d forget about the meatballs?”

 

__________________________________________________

 

It was a silent walk back to their new place during the icy evening, their skin prickling from the cold and their bellies satisfied from gorging on the infamous meatballs. While Laura was silent mostly because she was falling into a food coma, Carmilla was silent because Laura had been holding her hand whenever she was able to after the little mishap earlier. 

They walked with a silly smile plastered onto their faces and both feeling incredibly happy and content, albeit for very different reasons.

It wasn’t until they had stepped inside of their apartment building that Laura let go of Carmilla’s hand, and Carmilla couldn’t help but feel her heart sink a little. She felt silly, it was all just a show after all.

“What’s wrong?” Laura asked, noticing the slight change in Carmilla’s mood as Carmilla pushed the key into the lock of the door to their apartment.

“I’m just a little tired, I guess,” Carmilla answered as she walked through the opened door, kicking her boots off.

They both flopped down onto the couch in the still empty living room as they sighed in comfort after having a long day out.

It was a quiet couple of minutes before a thought had dawned on Laura.

“You know, we still need to put the furniture together ourselves right?”

Carmilla let out a long groan and slouched over one of the arms of the couch as Laura’s giggle filled her eardrums.

“You’re such a grouch Carm.” 

Carmilla snorted as she reached behind her for the cushion and flung it across at Laura without looking, missing her target by a mile.

“And your aim sucks,” Laura teased as her giggle evolved into a full-blown ugly cackle. 

Carmilla couldn’t help but laugh along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG! I did make it within the 2 week mark so :P This chapter was just a pain for me to write for some reason, and fyi, I did quality research for this chapter. I legit googled "why couples fight in IKEA". It didn't really give me any inspiration but I tried hahaha.
> 
> Oh before I forget! I do hope you guys were able to guess which furniture store it was, I think I threw out enough hints haha. And as for the title, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity since they did go shopping for a mattress ;)) I'm pretty sure the title is only familiar to Canada/US peeps but I could be wrong. It's from Sleep Country's commericals lol. (someone pls comment if you do recognize, or else I'd be hella embarrassed for using it as a title)
> 
> And yeahhhh! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and as always, feel free to come say hi to me at conditionstolive.tumblr.com! 
> 
> In case I don't update before Thanksgiving (for those of you who live in the states), HAPPY THANKSGIVING <333 Enjoy your turkey or turducken or vegetarian turkey or no turkey but other goodies (I'm with the last group, I treat myself to chocolate).


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